Rise Like A Phoenix!

 ...and lo, it came to pass, that 4 years later The Eurovisionary returned to the fold once more and took his rightful place amongst the 5 year old Bloggers and YouTube Make-Up Tutorialists to bring his own unique view on The Contest once again.

Lady Rona saw fit to seeing off Eurovision in 2020 and, despite her best efforts this year, the Powers That Be decided that it was fine to bring rather a lot of people together under one roof to reignite the eternal flame of Eurovision, and therefore we find ourselves in The Ahoy Arena in the Dutch port of Rotterdam for this year's bash, and this morning saw the start of rehearsals which will lead up to two Semi Finals on 18 and 20 May, with the Grand Final on Saturday 22 May.

I say we... but in reality the majority of the assembled press are watching events unfold from the comfort of their own settees, accompanied by a mug of Bovril and a packet of pork scratchings.  Artists, production staff and associated hangers-on in the "actual" Rotterdam are subject to strict and stringent pokings and proddings every five minutes to make sure that they haven't brought the lurgy into the fold.

So, what did Day 1 of rehearsals tell us?

The first song of the entire shebang is very likely going to win the Grand Prix!  The Roop from Lithuania gave a note perfect and flawlessly tight performance of their funky, dance number, Discoteque.  It's fun, quirky, catchy and a visual feast.  Grab it at 20/1 while you still can.

Not even a freshly inserted Gospel Choir is going to save Slovenia from the last bus home, so let's swiftly move on to Mother Russia.

Mangina is just the right side of bonkers to be fun and entertaining.  She arrives on stage in an ensemble resembling a Dalek auditioning for Season 14 of RuPaul's Drag Race, and from there she takes us on a feminist rampage of joy and empowerment.  You Go Gurl!

Sweden's Tusse gave a competent performance, despite obviously trying to overcome some vocal issues following his recent throat surgery.  Expect a competent Top 10 finish from the ever strong Swedes.  Australia provided a 10 second clip of Miss Mountain filming her stay-at-home segment in a car showroom window, so less said about that the better.

Vasil from North Macedonia is just a Fabulous Big Jessie and he belted his way through his Broadway Diva Ballad with vast amounts of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent.  He even regenerates himself into a spectacular new superhero, Glitterballs, half way through proceedings.  Girlfriend is living her best fantasy and she is FIERCE!!!

...and then there was Ireland.

Oh. My. God!!!!  Do you remember the very moment you witnessed Chris and Gemma of Jemini sacrificing themselves to the Eurovision Gods as they sang every note of "Cry Baby" out of tune in front of 200 Million people?  Well, THAT, with bells on!  Whoever put forward that ill-conceived staging needs to be spoken to in the strongest terms.  Mind you, maybe someone at RTE put a shedload of money on Ireland coming last in their Semi (again) and then red-lighted this cacophony.  It was woeful.

So there you have it.  Only the 7 songs for day one.  Tomorrow promise 9 more big performances, and none bigger than current bookies' favourite, Destiny from Malta.  Let's see what she brings to the feast.

(all photos (C) EBU)