It's All Greek To Me - Part IV (A New Hope)
Your intrepid reporter here with all the goss and insider info for tonight's all-important Semi Final (which I know you will all be glued to on BBC3 at 8pm!).
After a vey fab show indeed last night, we trundled off to Euroclub (quelle surprise!) for another evening of voucher spending fun and frolics. 4 vouchers worth of treble whisky & cokes later we we in the taxi, where I proceeded to sing (in Greek) a number of Greece's better Euro entries to our bemused taxi driver. "Oh you speak our language?" he asked,
"No Honey, I just sing it" was my slurred reply... Ho Hum.
Anyway, down to business and the runners and riders for tonight, along with my tips for qualification. Remember, of the 23 songs sung tonight only 10 will qualify, 13 will be going directly to jail without collecting 200 Euros on the way.
So, in order of performance (and can I just say - best EVER opening 5 minutes to a Eurovision contest EVER!!!)...
Armenia - Great song with a bit of a bondage theme going on. Needs to thin his eyebrows a bit tho!
Bulgaria - Dull, and whiney - not a hope in hell
Slovenia - Very strong performances, this went big in the hall last night (albeit to a select audience).
Andorra - OH MY GOD! A large lady in black suspenders and a see through negligee. Heaven help us! Song is dire.
Belarus - Shouty, energetic and no-one has a scooby what she's singing about - and it's in english (very poor english).
Albania - Ethnic nonsence that sounds worse now than it ever did. Bin it.
Belgium - VERY Euro song, but way too much performance happening. I love it, but many feel she's unlikely to go through.
Ireland - Well I hate it, but he sings the dull dirge of a thing well, so who knows?
Cyprus - Sub-Witney chanteuse disseminates a nasty ballad in 3 mnutes. Bad choice of (banana) dress!
Monaco - Now, I love it, and she's sounding less tone-deaf than she did earlier in the week. Nice dancers!!!!
FYROM - Fresh and funky, but they screwed up the routine last night. Will pass through to the final easily tho.
Poland - This just ISN'T coming over well. No-one here likes the performance. Shame - great band.
Russia - OH MY GOD (again!) WAIT till you see this!!! Keep a close eye on that piano on stage - all is not as it seems!
Turkey - NICE dancers.... and the song comes over very strongly! Watch out for the "star" made from linked arms. FAB.
Ukraine - One of the most charismatic perfrormers here. Super performance... Kyiv again next year, anyone?
Finland - Got the second biggest cheer of the night last night. TOTALLY FANTASTIC! Get some votes in for this one. The Monsters of rock are coming!!!!
Netherlands - Lacklustre performance, going nowhere fast. The girls are fun, but the song is way too repetitive.
Lithuania - Get ready for a shock. The Boys are going to the final! Strong performance of a silly song. VOTE!
Portugal - Dear God! These girls are hopeless in the extreme. Can't sing, can't dance... don't sign them.
Sweden - What can I say? Faultless performance. The best singer/performer in the semi by a mile. PLEASE vote for her!
Estonia - Fantastic performance! Could go very high if she gets to the final. They all look gorgeous too. And before I get any requests - he's her boyfriend!
Bosnia-Herzegovina - Well, this was THE performance of the night. The audience went wild for it. Sarajevo looks a distinct possibility for next year.
Iceland - Heaven help us. The audience Booed all the way through this! Silvia is NOT making freinds with her OTT humour (oh and the "F" word in statying in! as "Frikin"!)
So, there you have it! The 10 countries I expect to see pulled from the magic envelopes tonight are...
Let's see how accurate these predictions are. If I was to pick 2 reserves that might just squeeze in in place of Turkey or Belgium, then I'd go for Armenia and Slovenia.
OK, in-depth analysis (no doubt on a whisky head) tomorrow!